Wednesday, September 19, 2007

“This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with.” - J.D. Salinger

Enough falling. I'm changing environment. One week left and its driving me crazy. Must everything i do be "special"? Are you in or are you out?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Everybody's free - Baz Luhrmann

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


Quiet is the dead of night
All is silent
All seems right.


Se eu pudesse ter um super poder?
Ignorar. Não, não ignorância. Saber ignorar. Criar um mecanismo de defesa automático para eliminar os pensamentos insistentes. Os que chateiam. A não-sei-quantas chamou-me não-sei-o-quê e eu não concordo mas não me consigo esquecer. Não-sei-quem sabe bem como me provocar mas eu não quero pensar nisso. Um botãozinho ou uma palavra mágica, uma capacidade inerente e puff..
O mais difícil de ignorar é a auto-crítica, a insegurança que se alimenta da mais pequena dúvida e cresce incessantemente. Eu não sou, eu não consigo, eu devia, blablabla. A sua presença é - às vezes - tão esmagadora que é impossível procurar «o lado bom» (Utopia?!). Devo manter-me ocupada, principalmente, para não ficar sozinha comigo mesma. É perigoso.
É preferível viver de memórias. Ainda há mais por fabricar. E por uma vez na vida quero mesmo acreditar que «vai correr tudo bem».

Sunday, September 02, 2007

i wish you would come pick me up..

Tenho medo. Tanto medo. Já fiz centenas de coisas mal. E mais farei. Dizem que para todos os problemas à solução e que quando nos enganamos é só preciso recomeçar. Recomeço outra vez. Já fiz uma, posso repetir. E o que não fiz faço agora e se for preciso faço também depois. A esperança não se separa da desilusão mas poder sonhar é em si o sonho mais alto. Ainda não me fui embora. E ainda tenho um bocadinho de esperança. Tenho o direito de querer e o dever de descansar. Quero descansar da auto-flagelação que impede a aceitação e descanso de me convencer que não posso ter o que quero. Afinal existe o tempo, e a impaciência só provoca a frustração. Delinear metas. Fácil. Cumprir metas. Possível. Relativizar. O mau não apaga o bom e o bom tem de compensar o mau. Wish me luck.