I've lost your voice.

I hate feeling like I'm being made fun of. It has to be one of the worst feelings known to man. Humiliating. Demeaning. And all happening in the (dis)comforting silence of your own head. Never sure whether its just another petty insecurity or the fact that two people share a private laugh whilst you have the floor is proof of mockery. I suddenly shrink to the size of a mouse, squeaky, unwanted. It wakens the dormant thought in the back of my mind that I've so (im)maturely been avoiding. I'm trying too hard. I try too hard. Will everything fail in comparison from now on? It was so easy. For just a few days i didn't need to try, i didn't play a part, i could just be.. and that was enough. Maybe its only me i am not enough for. I don't want to go back to my old ways. Incessant worry about intake and outtake. If only willing my brain to stop would make it so. Stop. Just stop.

Is it so wrong to want to be liked? Someone has to. You first.